I have always loved the buzz from the unhealthy stuff. But through the course of my healing I have reconnected with the things I used to get a buzz from as a child, simple things like art, crafts, music, and nature.
|pay heed to the signs, and stop|
As a child I spent hours poking in hedges, streams, ponds fields and the garden collecting things like snails, spiders, frogs, flowers, lady birds, and my favourite of all things grasshoppers. Ah the joys of chasing poor grasshoppers around the yard of my grandmothers. Once the hens were no longer needed by my granny the grasshopper population exploded and I think they felt safe to live there. But for a few weeks every summer and most Sundays I chased them around seeing how many I could catch. My older brother and I raced to see how many we could catch each. My teenage daughter recently kept a cockchafer as a pet (she named it Stanley) and it seemed to enjoy eating watermelon from her hand. Unfortunately poor Stanley was forgotten about when she went to stay with friends for a few days and that was the end of Stanley.
|ladybird, ladybird , please don't fly away just yet|
After my very bad week where I no longer wanted to get up and do anything I went back to basics; the things that helped me get well. Get up , make my bed, get my daughter to school , eat a nutritious breakfast, go for a walk , burn some essential oil, (i found geranium very soothing) clean the house, watch something inspirational on TV or the internet, do something creative, and have a bath a shower or go for a swim and go get my daughter from school. If it worked once then I thought it will work again. And it did , yippee. I resisted the temptations, put safeguards on place to help me stay on the right track and told people how I felt and asked for help. I was forced out of bed by x on a few days , wow theses a turn around and repaid him in kind by making him clean his house. so Ha. Sometime I will get to the point here.
The point is in the title. I went for my morning walk yesterday and decided to go off the path a little. I walked the same walk for months now and watched the flowers along the edge of the path come into bloom. But for some unknown reason those in charge of the path decided to ruin my walk by spraying the wildflowers, weeds ? I think not. They sprayed the yarrow I have been waiting to see and the lovely kidney vetch, they sprayed the remains of the cowslips and the rose bay willow herb and meadow sweet I have been looking forward to. I must work harder on my forgiveness, that biodiversity training they got was clearly wasted on them. Again back to the point.
|off the beaten track|
I had to leave the familiar place of my normal morning walk to find the beauty I sought and was rewarded by finding a flower I have been looking for in many places for weeks now; a pink orchid. It was not the mash orchid of my childhood that I had been looking for but instead I found a pyramidal orchid. I spotted some six spotted brunet moths feasting on what I thought was red clover , on closer inspection i found it was in fact a lovely delicate pink orchid. So beautiful and so unexpected.
|orchid with visitor|
The walk yielded more lovelies that day, heaps of caterpillars, new salt loving flowers and a clump of what appeared to be fennel and the loveliest thing of all a tiny sunflower plant clearly escaped from a garden. The area off the main path was way way more beautiful but full of nettles and briars, It remained me of those trips through the country side watching out for nettles and I got to tramp through the little shingel bank, small salt marsh and large clump of blackberry bushes finding more and more lovely butterflies, moths, flowers and caterpillars. I even stopped to watch a large crab chase a smaller crab out from a small pool before he settled under a rock clearly a grumpy grandfather crab needing a rest from baby sitting. All in all a lovely walk and the only buzz there were the bees.
|horned yellow sea poppy|
|only the bees buzz|
The beauty of the world can be its own reward. had I chosen the wrong path in my life last week I would have missed out on the beauty and joy of seeing the orchid and gone so far backwards that I might never have got out of the hole again. What got me into this can keep me out of this, my determination to keep going. Instead I need to replace my focus on unhealthy pleasure with healthy one, perhaps my obsessional nature needs to be focused on finding beauty in nature. Who knows where that could lead.
So go off today and look under those rocks, poke around in the streams and puddles, you might just find that which you seek. I only ever saw one lizard ever wild in Ireland, one day when I was around 10 under a rock where I had been examining an ant colony. Maybe next I need to search out lizards. but most of all bee yourself and bee happy.