Sunday, 21 April 2013

the choice is yours

I woke up this morning and realised its all about choice, when i get asked to do something I can choose to do it of choose not to do it.  It is the element of manipulation and coercion that makes me uncomfortable.  I realised that I was feeling manipulated and while the request made of me might have seemed reasonable to  the person who made it it  did not feel reasonable to me.  I thought about the request and I realised that I was ok to agree to the request and I did.  My concern was that if I agreed to one request then I would feel obliged to agree to more, again I realise I have a choice.  Its all about making the right choice for me not for others.  Hope I remember this when next faced with dealing with an uncomfortable request. In the long run looking after myself is the most important.

Saturday, 20 April 2013

sometimes i wonder

I would love to live my life without being judged.  I wonder why people expect me to live by their rules.
I wonder why I try.  I need to feel free to do as I please.   Today a friend expected me to account for my behavoir and I felt that she was expecting me to seek her permission  to behave a certain way.  I started to feel righteous indignation and felt highly mistrusted.  I dont really understand what it is I feel, I suppose I feel like she is trying to control me.  Life can be complicated enough without having to worry bout what others think of me.  I hate being expected to conform to values that I dont agree with.  I hate people trying to control how I think.  I just want to be free to live my own life my way.

Friday, 19 April 2013

Less is more

I have been overdoing it.  Over thinking getting caught up in other people's stuff and forgetting the importance of minding myself.  I have had family visiting and my ex husband staying for a few days.  i feel like i need to be alone. So for a few days I have given in to the tiredness, the headache  the nausea for acid reflux, the pins and aches of life, my sore painful ankle, the dizzy spells, i could go on and on.  I went to a meeting last night on life skills and although I thought i knew it all I was reminded that we need to look after the basics for life to keep on the straight and narrow.  No point in getting the Nobel prize if you drop dead the day after.  the most important message is change your thinking or your behaviour to improve your life.  Fairly obvious stuff but how often do we need the obvious pointed out to us.  So today I decided to look at the basics that are missing in my life, unpaid bills, messy bedrooms, dust, and I realised I have been neglecting my home caring, and blaming others for the mess.

I am the adult there and its time I behaved like one.  I set the standards and if I slip it is hard to except the children to catch up.  They are after all only children. I often feel over burdened by responsibility and yet I keep taking on more.  Its time to go back to basics and realise that keeping busy in itself is not enough to have a fulfilling life.  its time to do less. Less is more