Showing posts with label freedom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label freedom. Show all posts

Saturday, 21 January 2012

live like someone left the gate open



Last night I had the strangest dream.  No it was not about a row boat to China in fact I cannot remember much of the detail but I remember the feeling of pure joy as I awoke.  I woke up without an ounce of tension in my body all cosy and happy.  I released so much stuff this week and I learnt the importance of rest and relaxation.  

The house is a total mess (which will be useful  in the January photo scavenger hunt, should be some really messy pics for that) but what of it, houses can be cleaned, but mental health cannot be repaired quite as easily as just doing the hoovering cleans up the house.  Sometimes its a matter of judgement what is the most important thing right now.  Is it the mound of washing? the kitchen full of dirty dishes? the garden full of crap? or is it my mental well being.??

I need order to feel well but I need wellness to bring order.  My latest realisation is that all other things follow from our mental and physical well being.  When I am well house work is effortless, life is comparatively effortless.  Being in the flow of wellness leads to happiness and productivity.  I suppose it is such an obvious thing.  We know many things in our logical minds but do we practice theses thing? Do we really practice these things?  I think it is only when we are consciously aware of the importance of staying well and minding ourselves that we exhibit our understanding of that fact and live in a way that shows we do.





This week I learnt to re-frame my past by looking at old pictures of myself, wow I had some great fun and quite an interesting time really.  
This week I learnt to re-frame failure by listening to other peoples stories of failure.  I love the word non-success and plan to use it instead of the other word for non-success.  I found out that I can learn more form my recovery and acceptance of failure than I do from my success.  
This week I learnt that I use the word Why alot and that asking people Why makes many people uncomfortable.  They feel it as a criticism.  So it might be better to ask , for what reason did you do that instead of Why , sometimes the answers you get are a little more informative!

And so the hibernation finally yielded up the necessary realisations for me to move forward and keep going on.  Its time to move on past defining myself by my actions and by my psychological fragility.   I no longer belong in heaven,  now I realise I am firmly back on earth, fully grounded and myself, I no longer feel the need to look for paradise.  I have it here with me.  

So today let go, ground yourself, and live like someone let the gate open.










Monday, 4 July 2011

work in progress-becoming what I cant think of

Currently I am a work in progress.  As I looked around at the heaps of half finished projects I started to look at them in a new way.  Not incomplete merely works in progress.


a human  doing
living in hope of being
a human being

Well I will perhaps always be a human doing.  I can just keep on doing what I do best.  Working on just being. My favourite bit of yesterday was the trip to the bog introducing my daughter and her friend to the joys of catching grasshopper.  Yesterday was a magical day.  We are still poor in my children's eyes as we cannot afford to do the more costly things.  Instead we are doing free or almost free activities.  Yesterday we went to see the tall ships leave Waterford Harbour.  I almost cried they looked so free and beautiful as they sparkled their way out to sea.  I am now tracking them on Marinetraffic.com and thinking that I should not have left my early experiences of the elitism of sailing spoil a potentially wonderful activity.  I listened to an interview on radio this morning where the interviewee spoke about MTV editing , where the retina needs to be kept stimulated with constant images.  I realised that in order to counteract this phenomenum training in concentrating and stillness is needed.  My powers of focus and concentration were clearly developed by the many not tv/computer/internet based activities I did during the course of my life and giving up TV was perhaps the single best gift I gave myself in the course of my recovery.  By being present in nature and in the real world I experience reality.  At last I can finally feel the point collage I abondoned months ago, so I can now work on it again.  I need to free my mind so that I can think again and make all the decisions I need to make so I can go out and earn more money again.  wirestripping to create the hair for the collage will certainly do that :-)



"If I knew what the picture was going to be like I wouldn’t make it. It was almost like it was made already.. the challenge is more about trying to make what you can’t think of." Cindy Sherman

I am now what I cant think of - having liberated myself from my projection of other peoples judgements.