Saturday, 31 March 2012

today I will sit in a different chair

My daughter is teaching herself to play fast car on guitar at the moment.  We had a lovely moment in the garden this week when my memory was failing me and I took some time off work.  We sat out and she played and I listened and helped her with the sound.

I think there are memories that will stay with us forever, the ones that linger even if your brain unravels.  One of mine is on the road to Portmagee on the way to the skeillig island in a blue cortina with the guy, who I though at the time (and for several years after), was the great love of my life.  Fast car was blaring on the radio, the sun was splitting the stones, I was in love, he loved me back and we had our whole future ahead of us.  For years my memories of that day was clouded by how foolish I felt about how it ended and how I behaved.  But on Wednesday I was able to remember the good feeling I had that day.  There are those perfect days when I feel I can live forever in perfect bliss. Now I have a new happier memory to associate with the song.  

Recently I realised why I was sad. I miss having a special someone in my life.  I did joke that I will settle for a dog rather than any more unsuitable men.    Maybe it is just enough for me to acknowledge that I miss that, maybe it is just enough for me to cut myself some slack and allow myself the time to get over the last one.  If only I loved myself have as much as I have loved the unsuitable ones Wow what would my life be like.  I track my moods on moodscope and it helps me to take stock of how I am feeling on any particular time.  Today's thought for the day was to do things a little differently and I picked up on the idea to sit in a different chair.  We all get into routines, both good and bad.  the bad ones are more of a rut than a routine.  So today I did sit in a different chair, OK so I choose a different place a the table in a friends house but I make the effort none the less.

What is the point of this post I am beginning to wonder.  The point is maybe its time to try something different, to live in a way that I have not done before now. To live a life where I love me the most out of everyone.  To give myself the praise and devotion I have given to others.   To maybe take a walk in the opposite direction to my normal one, try a new activity, try a different outlook or point of view.  Maybe even  take a drive in a fast car, or even get that hammock I have hankered after for many years.

Happy middle of the night where ever you are.


  1. Funny that at 2:30 a.m. EST U.S. time, I should find a comment from you to publish to my post and the come here to read what you have to say today.

    I am certainly in a rut, don't feel well most of the time, try to savor those times when I feel joy or amusement or simply smile at nothing. Those moments seem so rare these days.

    Having "someone in your life" is overrated. It's good at times but also terribly draining. Then again, so is being alone. Why can't I ever just be happy for a whole year, even? :-)

    I *love* Fast Car. Have you ever heard the Ballad of Lucy Jordan by Maryanne Faithful?

    Another chair...I'll try it.

    Happy Sunday, Jane.

    1. hi gina, love that song too, often feel like running through the streets screaming nut not naked!!, well not yet anyway , it might be liberating, marianne faithfull is such an amazing singer, keep well

  2. We are indeed such creatures of habit...whether the habit is good or becomes our norm. And sometimes its discomfort subtly becomes our new norm. Love this post! (As I do ALL of yours) You always make me think! A new seat or a new way of doing things brings different perspective and allows us to move out of our rut and feel fresh. Fresh and new can be scary sometimes...but it renews us too. Happy early Sunday morning from my current seat in life. The birdies are outside heralding the arrival of Spring here, the trees are bathed in a fresh shade of neon green and the beds of flowers are nearly rumbling as the life that hides beneath the dirt in the cold of winter is now pushing its way to the surface. Rebirth and's a happy day! Hugs to you, Jane.

    1. thanks for the kind words annette, and the hugs

  3. The hammock may certainly be a more certain choice for comfort and security. However, life has a way of throwing us a curve ball and suddenly all is changed. May life throw you a curve ball that brings you a loving and joyful lover who appreciates you for all that you are.