I have been feeling the strain of life for the last few weeks. Dear daughter rescued a dog. I could hear my late father's voice echo through my brain as I said we could keep her, "Its everyone's dog until someone has to look after it", and yes now I have a dog. I am counting the weeks until we can walk her, and probably two more after that before we can let her off lead. The poor thing has a fractured leg. Consequently she is unsettled and I am not getting the sleep I need. I have been going a little crazy again. The whirring thoughts, the obsessing about things, feeling angry, blaming others, generally wanting to hide away, refusing to go out. I still do all the things I need to do, I go to work but am not so effective, I help with the homework, I make some attempts to do housework. So I just had to do something, some people take to the drink, drugs, strange religious cults, or worse still golf, but not me; I crochet.
I have been saving a bag of old clothes to make into a rug. This weekend I ripped and ripped and ripped. I demolished around 10 t shirts, a few fleeces, and two rather expensive cardigans. The dog now has a lovely rug to sleep on and I had the satisfaction of saving €50 on a dog bed plus of course a day of crocheting with the largest hook I own and the profound satisfaction of ripping so much stuff to shreds.
Inspired by this I decided to order more wool from yarnparadise and started to crochet a lovely fluffy orange and purple and red poncho. I am told I will not be allowed to wear it in public. But you know what, I remembered this years motto: crazy on the outside. I know I need to behave in an appropriate way at appropriate times. I need to dress conservatively for work. But out there somewhere is a place where it is appropriate or even acceptable to wear a fluffy poncho, somewhere where it is ok to be crazy on the outside. Crazy on the outside is important for me just so the craziness does not get locked inside, where it can fester and do damage. I would love to go out dressed like zandra rhodes but somehow I think I might be committed!
So I will keep going with the crochet, as yet I do not follow any patterns so what evolves when I pick up a ball of wool is anyone's guess. So maybe I get a little obsessed with it from time to time and have bags of wool everywhere but its a damn sight better than the alternatives. It is better to take the whirr of my brain and translate it into the whirr of the crochet hook rather than trying to unravel the crazy on the inside stuff.
I suppose there is a point to this post somewhere, perhaps it is that it is important to make time just to do the simple things in life that give you pleasure. That it is important to let the crazy out but in a safe way. That time passes and things change. Or that eventually there is a use for everything. What ever the point is I have a lovely dog, curled up on the chair with me, snoring peacefully so maybe the point is that hard work is its own reward :-)
Happy Wednesday and happy crocheting.