Since I recovered from anxiety I have had to find new things to occupy my slightly obsessive mind. I suppose it is a way of making use of that type of thinking and putting it towards more productive uses, well maybe not productive , perhaps more less unhealthy than the awful broken record, catastrophic thinking, whirring round of jumbles thoughts of old. While I was unwell my obsession was on getting better, or perhaps a better way of putting it was my focus was on getting better. First it was kinetic art and the endless designs for automatic bubble machines(still a work in progress) oh and bubbles, then it was meditation, rock balancing, going for walks, wild flower hunting, then crochet and now patchwork, the history of roads in the county.
For me having hobbies again is like finding long lost friends. I was so busy with work, commuting, and my children that I forgot about having a passion for something just for myself and my own fulfillment. Jobs come and go, we are all indispensable (well almost) and children grow up and move on in their lives. We all need something that is just about ourselves and who we are, someway of expressing our passions and something to show that we matter and have a place in the world. For me for a long time work took that place. I do enjoy looking at things I have helped to create. I suppose when I was not working it was a very refreshing change to talk to someone new. How often are we asked What do you do? It was very liberating not to be given a list of problems they needed help with or be given heaps of advise about what I should do in my job. I am glad I relearned what it is to be a person in my own right. I had become what I did not who I am. I am glad I have a renewed passion for life. It is nice to have a huge part of my mind devoted to thinking about nice things, places to go, new activities, instead of silly worries, anxious thoughts about my inadequacies. I still have inadequacies but they are no longer my focus. My focus is now on making my life easier and entirely more enjoyable than it was for those lost years. I suppose like any newly recovered anything, whether you have survived cancer, alcoholism, depression, suicide, major illness, you look at life differently; with fresh eyes. My fresh eyes see all sorts of beautiful things now. Last week I noticed dew covered spiders webs for the first time in year. They have always been there but I just didn't notice.
So today go out and look at the world around you with fresh eyes, enjoy your passions in life and have a lovely and relaxing weekend.