Wednesday, 10 August 2011

not the dread pirate roberts

Working on identifying emotions takes effort for me.  I found that I could not label them all and seesawed between many and had loads of mixed up ones.  Recently I started to separate out the anxiety based emotional states.  Terror, fear, dread, anxious, worry, torment, what others I wondered, so I looked up Wikipedia and here they are :
FearHorrorAlarm, shock, fear, fright, horror, terror, panic, hysteria, mortification
NervousnessAnxiety, nervousness, tenseness, uneasiness, apprehension, worry, distress, dread

I would also include shame and guilt in the fear based emotions as I think they are linked very much to fear and not sadness as suggested in Wikipedia.  
 The one I recognised in others recently was dread.  The dread of going back to work after holidays.  Next week I return to work after my episode.  I will have been off a day short of nine months, a significant gestation period for the reborn me.  I noticed a few people talking about the dread of going back to work and remembered the awfulness of the Sunday evening feeling and wondered if I would experience it again.  then it hit me we create our emotional states and just as I can drive dread up from a vague concern to a full blown panic attack I can also change it into something else.  I have control of myself and my own life.  I have been tackling a few things that I did not think I would be able to do, in fact one thing that I have always dreaded was working out my budget and keeping track of it.  But I changed what I called it, now instead of saving I am accumulating wealth and instead of buying groceries I am acquiring consumables.  I do my working out of finances on graph paper as this represents maths to me.  Now it is dread free.  I love the princess bride and I love the scene where the dread pirate Roberts turns out to be none other than the hero and love interest in the film, not actually a scary person.  The reputation of the dread pirate Roberts had been created years earlier and was now a very effective pirate franchise.  

So I just need to remember the reputation of the Monday morning dread, it is not more real than the dread pirate Roberts.  So live life without dread and as you wish it to be.     Happy Wednesday.

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