Monday, 15 August 2011

end of phase 2

Phase 2 of my recovery is over.  I am now on to phase 3; maintenance.  I should really be washing the ware and cleaning up but decided to live as I mean to go on and take life handy as we say here.  Tomorrow I will start work and I will be wearing shoes all day for the first time in a long time.  I love being barefoot.

When I was a child I always imagined living near the sea and wandering the beach barefoot.   I live by the sea and I do this alot (minus the permanently sunny weather I envisioned as a child) , also my childhood imaginings had me wearing the fashions of the early 70s, which are again in fashion and yes I do wander the beach barefoot in a multicoloured maxi dress on.

I suppose I revisited my early childhood memories as the multicoloured patterns of my childhood are back in vogue.  I was born in the summer of love and spent my very early childhood in the very unhippyish suburbs of Cork.  Strangely enough I have many memories of listening to the debates on workers rights, women's rights the start of the troubles in the north.  The last week has reminded me very much of that and the amazing cake I saw at a child's birthday party full of the peace and love symbols of my early childhood have made me wonder if we are entering a new and very significant period of change in the world again.  Perhaps I am just thinking this due to the huge change about to occur in my life.

My mother , god bless her, had a whole list of things I should  to do before I returned to work.  Most of them involved cleaning and conforming but for who's benefit.  I see others who conform, who keep immaculately clean houses, who have the seemingly perfect life.  I see through the cracks in their lives and I know that for all the papering they do over those cracks they still exist, the secrets they are trying to keep weight them down.  I was too hard on myself for so long thinking that their papered over lives was what I wanted too.  But I don't want that for myself or my family.  I want the life of barefoot walks on the beach.  The life where I can be happy to be just as I am.  I have finally abandoned my quest for normality and embraced my quirks.  I am finding it hard to name the feeling I have about tomorrow but it is no longer dread or fear or even concern, I suppose the best label I can put on that feeling is curiosity.
Well we all know what curiosity did :-).

So I am off to wash up and enjoy my live of ease, in a land near the sea but not in a submarine. 

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