Friday, 19 August 2011

business as usual

I had a  life changing experiences and i am now a more integrated and complete person.  I accept myself.  I returned to work and found it such a different experience.  It was business as usual, no desk for me on first day, no computer set up.  It was funny to be back at all the normal stuff associated with work.  My self awareness has opened my eyes to the behavior of others and has given me a feeling of detachment.  I have had that feeling before in some jobs and always liked them but never realised until now that it was not the job I liked but it was myself at that time in my life, I could have been gutting mackerel or fixing the space station, the work did not matter at all just how i felt about myself.  How did I get so lost , how did I loose my way I wonder.  Was there are definitive point where I crossed from being overworked to over whelmed, what could I have done differently.  I suppose there is little point in dwelling on what went wrong, better to focus on what went right to get me to this comfortable place.  

I feel a sense of unreality about this.  I was so used to work being difficult that it is strange for it to be so seemingly easy.  I have worked at making life easy for myself and perhaps I should trust myself enough to appreciate that this new found ease is of my own creation.  Well done me.  

I hope I will always appreciate the how much I gained from what I thought I lost.  Sanity is a fragile state, so easily unbalanced.  

For some reason these songs have been rolling around in my head all day.  I love paul bradys songs , generally so nice and inspiring.  I have made my world easy.  And Aslan well they are awesome and also inspiring. 

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