Friday, 1 July 2011

and so it goes, jellyfish don't float

When my episode began I could not really function very well at all.  I brought the children to eat out most days as I could neither cook nor clean and I had to feed them.  So they would bring their poor demented mammy to town and we would eat then they would wander around the shopping center trying to get me to buy them stuff, oh yes they took great advantage of my memory loss.  One day I spent a while staring at the self help book section hoping for some answers and I saw self help for the nerves.  I bought it and tried to read it but could not.  So I carried it around in my handbag for weeks and read a few lines when ever I could.  The author, Dr Claire Weeks, described how I felt exactly.  I thought I was alone in my awful state and so I decided to try to follow her advise.  Float through the difficult stuff.  I tried to connect with images of floating.  Jelly fish I tried for a while but could neither draw nor find a good jellyfish floating image.  But jelly fish don't float they swim.  I tried images of birds soaring but really they were flying so that did not work.  That was around the time I hit upon the bubbles mania.  Bubbles just float.  So I thought about bubbles.  I blew bubbles.  I collected bubble mixtures, experimented with my own , designed various types of automatic bubble machines, bought so many bubble wands and them people started to give me presents of bubble related paraphernalia.  I brought the craze of bubble blowing to a whole new level.  And then I stopped.

Suddenly bubbles irritated me.

So I looked for a new image and you know what I could not find it.  I let go of the bubble obsession and now it is just a nice interest and I will continue to develop it.  And then I noticed I started to look at things in the sky, birds, panes helicopters, stray balloons, feathers, seeds blowing in the wind.  I also started to think about the eagles I have seen in my life.  As a child I loved to visit the stuffed eagle in the local museum.  I recall I felt great affinity with him.  My mother told me that I used to talk to him and call him my cousin eagle from Africa   When I did a spirit guide visualisation recently my guide turned out to be an eagle.  I am not really into the whole angles and spirit guide thing but I decided to try everything to get better in an attempt that the grapeshot approach would work and it did.  Now I realised what it was I need to find my wings again and fly away up to where I can see over the world.  I had a beautiful dream one night during my jungian dream analysis phase I was an eagle soaring overhead.  That eagle showed me so many blocks in my life.  

I realised that I had been going around singing flying songs in my head for a few days now so I decided to release them.

Just before my first child was born I lived in a wild place and we had a huge window in the front room which looked out on the hills.  One day a huge bird swooped down and caught a crow just outside the window.  I thought I was hallucinating as it looked just like an eagle.  It might have been a buzzard but when I recounted the story to a twitcher I know he said it was entirely possibly an eagle.  So now I will be an eagle flying away over the world and seas and loving the power of my wings.  

I wonder what ever happened to cousin eagle from Africa.  Hope he has found another little girl to chat to where ever he is now.

Happy Saturday and go off and indulge in a few crazy thoughts you never know what you will create for yourself.

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