Monday, 4 July 2011

work in progress-becoming what I cant think of

Currently I am a work in progress.  As I looked around at the heaps of half finished projects I started to look at them in a new way.  Not incomplete merely works in progress.

a human  doing
living in hope of being
a human being

Well I will perhaps always be a human doing.  I can just keep on doing what I do best.  Working on just being. My favourite bit of yesterday was the trip to the bog introducing my daughter and her friend to the joys of catching grasshopper.  Yesterday was a magical day.  We are still poor in my children's eyes as we cannot afford to do the more costly things.  Instead we are doing free or almost free activities.  Yesterday we went to see the tall ships leave Waterford Harbour.  I almost cried they looked so free and beautiful as they sparkled their way out to sea.  I am now tracking them on and thinking that I should not have left my early experiences of the elitism of sailing spoil a potentially wonderful activity.  I listened to an interview on radio this morning where the interviewee spoke about MTV editing , where the retina needs to be kept stimulated with constant images.  I realised that in order to counteract this phenomenum training in concentrating and stillness is needed.  My powers of focus and concentration were clearly developed by the many not tv/computer/internet based activities I did during the course of my life and giving up TV was perhaps the single best gift I gave myself in the course of my recovery.  By being present in nature and in the real world I experience reality.  At last I can finally feel the point collage I abondoned months ago, so I can now work on it again.  I need to free my mind so that I can think again and make all the decisions I need to make so I can go out and earn more money again.  wirestripping to create the hair for the collage will certainly do that :-)

"If I knew what the picture was going to be like I wouldn’t make it. It was almost like it was made already.. the challenge is more about trying to make what you can’t think of." Cindy Sherman

I am now what I cant think of - having liberated myself from my projection of other peoples judgements. 

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