Sunday, 31 July 2011

new moon, new me??

The new moon has just passed.  I follow the moon for many reasons, I used to follow it as the crazy folk came out three days each side of the moon and I braced myself for the very very weird work phone calls.  Now I enjoyed life as one for a while I still follow the cycles of the moon but mostly for the tide heights.  The last few days have been very odd indeed and today was strange.  I have moved on so much from who I was and how I behaved this time last year that people who have not met me in a while still treat me as if I were the same.  I wondered for the last few weeks what that would be like when I started to leave my home and my cocoon of happiness here.  I forgot that to be well is to be able to express myself, to understand that I have control over my own life and that I am now assertive.  I can stand up for myself in a very polite and non aggressive way.  I can recognise the feelings others are experiencing but no longer instinctively feel the feeling of others.  Now it is time for me to learn all about appropriateness.  I am venturing forth into a world full of many different sort of people all with their own ideas and at different stages of their self awareness.  Today I am celebrating being well and being me.

Strange things will happen, people will do things that upset me, I will do things that upset people.  But I will hold with me the belief that I am OK as I am.  I no longer believe that other people matter more than me.  I will continue to treat people with respect however I will not allow them to treat me with anything less than equal respect.  I had some very foolish beliefs, when I uncovered them I was shocked at my own silliness.  For me it is important that I stay well and continue to do things that interest, entertain and amuse me.  I have decided to concentrate on organising my home and my life in a way that makes it easy for us all to be well and stress free.  Today I had an unexpected visitor.  I was having a very present lie in.  I had to get up and deal with teenage children stuff with him.  In the past I would have let him control the conversation but today I did not.  I expressed myself and my views with honesty and clarity and I was proud of myself.  I am not perfect, I do not have all the answers but today I realised the gift I got from the episode: the ability to forgive myself and others.  I thought of how we are all flawed human beings.  and remembered my favourite parable from the Bible,  Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

So today let go of judgement of yourself and others and forgive.

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