new beginnings

Today is one of those beautiful late autumn days.  There was a fabulous sunset and the tide was so high it started to flood the road.  This brings with it the most wonderful fresh air and smell of the sea.  I finally got to go for a nice stroll along the sea shore tonight for the first time in a week.  There is a new moon and it is a good time to renew and being.


I have been thinking about beginnings for the last few weeks.  I got the opportunity to fully evaluate myself and my existence during my episode.  Mostly I came to realise the importance of the small and beautiful things that were around me and how I loved nature, my family, and myself.  My return to work made me realise that I love that too but perhaps I need to learn to balance things.  As a mother I am learning more about my role and the fact that children, no matter what their age, need a mothers guidance through life.  Part of my job as a mother is to help my children make sense of the world, not easy if you cant make sense of it yourself.  This is perhaps the reason that I get such joy from the simple things now.  I have given myself permission to be myself.  Somehow I think I am entering another stage in my development as a person.  So this week we have lived on pizza and thats ok as it was more important for me to de-stress and stay well than to be stressed trying to cook proper dinners.  I have yet to order oil because the door to the back garden is stuck and needs to be fixed and that is ok because we can light a lovely fire and stay warm.  The things that are important to me right now is that we made it through last week as a family unit, both daughters had medical appointments and we had a family event.  We survived it all and even had some fun.  Life is all about balance and this new beginning for me is not about trying to balance on a tight rope way up in the sky but to balance with my two feet firmly on the ground.  Finally I am beginning to accept that life has ups and downs and balance is all about returning to a state of equilibrium when we get too far out of kilter.

It is never too late to begin again, whether it is a diet, a career, a family, a hobby - whatever you want.  We can always start again and learn to balance by taking those wobbly but determined baby steps.