Today is one of those beautiful late autumn days. There was a fabulous sunset and the tide was so high it started to flood the road. This brings with it the most wonderful fresh air and smell of the sea. I finally got to go for a nice stroll along the sea shore tonight for the first time in a week. There is a new moon and it is a good time to renew and being.
I have been thinking about beginnings for the last few weeks. I got the opportunity to fully evaluate myself and my existence during my episode. Mostly I came to realise the importance of the small and beautiful things that were around me and how I loved nature, my family, and myself. My return to work made me realise that I love that too but perhaps I need to learn to balance things. As a mother I am learning more about my role and the fact that children, no matter what their age, need a mothers guidance through life. Part of my job as a mother is to help my children make sense of the world, not easy if you cant make sense of it yourself. This is perhaps the reason that I get such joy from the simple things now. I have given myself permission to be myself. Somehow I think I am entering another stage in my development as a person. So this week we have lived on pizza and thats ok as it was more important for me to de-stress and stay well than to be stressed trying to cook proper dinners. I have yet to order oil because the door to the back garden is stuck and needs to be fixed and that is ok because we can light a lovely fire and stay warm. The things that are important to me right now is that we made it through last week as a family unit, both daughters had medical appointments and we had a family event. We survived it all and even had some fun. Life is all about balance and this new beginning for me is not about trying to balance on a tight rope way up in the sky but to balance with my two feet firmly on the ground. Finally I am beginning to accept that life has ups and downs and balance is all about returning to a state of equilibrium when we get too far out of kilter.
It is never too late to begin again, whether it is a diet, a career, a family, a hobby - whatever you want. We can always start again and learn to balance by taking those wobbly but determined baby steps.