Tuesday, 13 September 2011

valley of vung

oh holy mother of god what a week, wish I was still catholic so that I could offer it up.  This week I have been mostly experience anger.  That awful wanting to injure someone wanting to scream red boiling hot anger.  I had forgotten what that was like.  I expressed it, road rage, general grumpiness with the world, shouting at the kids when they misbehaved, giving out to anyone who dared cross me.  I turned into a total harpi.  And for what.  I found it hard to rid myself of it.  At first I thought it was justified.  I was wronged I had every right to be angry but in being angry I was loosing myself and letting my feelings control me.  So yesterday I decided it was back to basics again.  I tried the things that helped me first time around.  Aromatherapy, long soak in the bath, a walk and yes you guessed it I started to feel better.  My anger finally dissolved in flood of tears as i finally realised that I was not really angry just very sad and hurt by how a member of my family was treating me.  Sometimes I still cannot name that feeling but I am getting better.  I worked through it.  I just kept doing something until I felt better.  i spent almost the whole weekend in bed.  I get very drained when confronted with hurt feelings.  But it is ok to be hurt.  I did not deserve to be treated like that and when I finally recognised that then I was able to acknowledge my real feelings.  I am a kind person and that is often seen as a weakness by others.  But it is my strength really.  I suppose it all goes back to the power of allowing myself to be vulnerable.  I am kind and caring and there is nothing wrong with that.   It     is when I allow others to take advantage of that that the problems arise.

So I am off to find my courage.  One of my favourite extracts from a Dr Seuss book :

Then I started back home
To the Valley of Vung.
I know I’ll have troubles.
I’ll, maybe, get stung.
I’ll always have troubles.
I’ll, maybe, get bit
By that Green-Headed Quail
On the place where I sit.
But I’ve brought a big bat.
I’m all ready, you see.
Now my troubles are going
To have trouble with me!

Not exactly peace harmony and forgiveness but inspirational none the less ;-)

Happy Tuesday

And now for something completely different

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