Thursday, 10 May 2012

learning to really let go

I have had my first breakthrough in a while.  Learning to let go of grudges is something I need to do.  I am a kind person but not a very forgiving one.  I find it difficult.

Today's breakthrough was learning to let go of the guilt of lost friendships.   I ended up a few streets away from where a old friend lives.  We are no longer friends.  We were best friends in our teenage years and early 20s.  In those days I did not know about the importance of valuing myself and I allowed myself to put her wishes first.  I had a near panic attack when I realised where I was on Sunday.  I explored this today during my fortnighly counselling session and finally came to terms with what happened.  I was unable to understand or express my hurt feelings at the time so I just cut off all contact with her.  I never really forgave her or me for what happened and now I can.  It is so wonderful to free myself of the confines and expectations of others.  When I thought I could no longer move forward and had to be content that this is as much progress as I would ever make, I was yet again surprised at the outcome of today's session.  As I keep saying to her, it is only when I am leaving that I know why I keep going.

Today's song is in deference to my brothers impending visit to York but also to remind us of the general ups and downs and how things just are.

Happy Thursday so today really reallyreallyreally let go of that old grudge and be freeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!

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