Monday, 9 April 2012

Recovery, communication and conciseness: the lightbulb moment.

My posts are generally a stream of consciousness thing; where I am trying to work out something and order my thoughts.  I decided to write two; an unedited one and an edited one.  This post is the edited version of my last one.

For weeks I have been getting that foggy confused feeling.  I know it precedes some kind of breakthrough for me; and finally this morning it arrived.  I realised last night that I need to be more aware of the effects of other peoples behavior on me and of mine on them. 

I spent the weekend with my family.  I had a lovely time.  I get very stressed about spending time with them as I feel so judged by them, ALL THE TIME, not just a little bit but everything I do and say.  They of course are probably not judging me, it is all in my head.  I just feel judged.  When I returned I called to a friends with the kids.  She shared wonderful news with me and I picked holes in it, to the point where I sucked all the joy out of it.  I realised that she was feeling a bit upset by what I was saying and I apologised.  After we continued the conversation she said - Oh its ok you were with your family this weekend I get it now.  My family is highly analytical and assesses everything that could possibly go wrong before they do anything.  I realised that I need to allow more time before and after events, to prepare and recover; in effect -  to transition.   

Now that I am more aware life is much easier.  I can hear what other people are saying to me in a slightly less filtered way.  I am leaning to listen.  I can see more of what is around me and interpreted it better.  I noticed that my sister in laws house was very symmetrical.  It was decorated in a specific thought out way.  My house just happens.  She edites her life and regularly clears out stuff and I dont.  We can learn things from everyone and it is time for me to learn how to edit my life.  There is probably a better word but thats it. 

We called the dog Mojo after Mojo Jojo of Powerful girls fame.  I think I speak mojo jojoish .  Last week I went on a technical report writing course.  I learned that I need to be more concise.  That there are two types of paragraphs; inductive and deductive.  I generally write deductive ones where I am trying to persuade and make the main point ant the end, if at all.  I also learned that I need to edit critically, and that the semi colon is out of fashion.    Having shaken off the straight jacket of respectability I will buck fashion trends and continue to use my favourite punctuation mark.

So today I will be more aware of what I am really trying to say, Being concise in my thinking will be quite difficult for me.  But here goes, no more mojo speak it now time for cat speak.  Never say a mumbling word.
Happy Monday.

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