Again thanks to Kathy for hosting the hunt. I was not able to take photos for a few months as I did not feel up to it. Sorry to hear you are dealing with sadness in your life Kathy. You hunt has inspired me to keep going. You are marvelous to host it despite your own stuff going on. Thanks again.
Amazing : I spotted this name carved into the tree
and thought that it was just amazing, so much effort to get it just so
and the tree does not seem to mind one bit.
Cant live without:
Lying on my sun-lounger,
wrapped in my favourite blanket
looking up at clear blue skies.
Direction : you are here, map in Glenshalane woods
IN
OUT
Indulgence: I struggled with this category until I found this photo
while indulging in junk food at our local junk food outlet,
my daughter spotted these ducks on their daily visit to said restaurant,
I think they like to eat the leftover burger buns!
Mulit-coloured:
Eldest Daughter likes to dye her hair lots of different colours,
so far its been green , blue, pink, blond, black, various combinations of all of the above,
I loved it blue the most I plan to dye mine blue when I retire :-)
On the Move,
we were bringing a tree to my brother for his birthday,
the boot was full of luggage,
so it had to share the front seat with eldest daughter.
This is her trying to get out of the car.
Lovely fossily Rock from the Burren
Some of the lovely fossils in the rock
Smile
Spring , Glenshelane Woods Cappoquinn
Sticky : big boy bacon foot long hot dog ,
Eddie Rockets american style diner
Not quite a tangle but not far off it.
some amount of tangle occurred
to create my favourite blanket.
My mottos of TAKE ACTION is the one thing I am working on at present. When I feel overwhelmed I find doing just one thing, anything at all, helps me to snap out of it and take action.
One thing leads to another and procrastination leads to guilt and anxiety for me. So when I am stuck I do just one thing and I do it conciously. If I need to sit I do that, if I need to rest I do that. If I need to take action I do that, well most of the time.
So today what is the just one thing you want to do or need to do to make life easy for yourself and feel well and happy. For me it is do my filing and prepare my monthly plan for May. So I am off to TAKE ACTION and do just that, well maybe I will have a nice sit down and a cup of tea first.
Right now I am exhausted. Thankfully it is the exhaustion of activity and not the exhaustion of stress and anxiety. I am working hard on one of my new years resolutions: Take Action. Being an inveterate procrastinator I decided to adopt that motto for this year. Call it an annual theme that I work on. I like to use mottoes to keep my main goal to the forefront. My use of mottoes stems from one year at work when I was working very hard and doing loads it seemed that people only saw what was not being done. I adopted the motto, What did (insert company name here) ever do for us.
But I digress. I chose take action specifically to combat my tendency towards procrastination. The main action at present is clearing out all the stuff I no longer need of want. That can be quite and emotional thing. Last night I discovered from my 15 year old daughter that it was my father and not my mother that chose my career path. I wanted to follow a totally different career, I had no interest in perusing a 9 to 5 existence and yet I am. As parents we have wisdom, knowledge and experience of the world and we only want the best for our children. This can unfortunately translate into parents living vicariously through their children. my eldest daughter want to follow the career I wanted. I was concerned that she was only doing it as it was what I had wanted at her age. This is something I discussed with her as I did not want to be one of those kind of parents. I probably unconsciously influenced her anyway but she has real talent. I was not as good as her at the same age. And so after I discussed her choice with her recently and my concerns, she spoke to my mother about it. I then found out that it was in fact my dad who put his foot down. I recall the exact statement even 30 years later. No daughter of mine is going off dying her hair oink and hanging around with those hippies. I wanted to go to art college. I went to school right next door and every day I saw the students with their canvas covered in paint laughing and happy. I loved drawing and went to art classes when other children chose sport. When I was told to drop art as a subject for my leaving cert so that I could do chemistry the art teacher gave me private lessons. Looking back on it now I realise that she did that not just because I was good but so that I had some joy in my life. It was pretty much the only thing I liked at school.
The parable I hate the most in religion is the parable of the talents. I hate it almost with as much passion as i hate the bureaucratic nature and misogyny of the church hierarchy. I was pushed to use talents that I had but really wondered why I had to work so hard on things I did not like just because I was good at them. It will be hard for me to forgive my dad this time, but I will work on forgiving myself for doing as I was told and putting my own wished last.
I have not been attending my counselling sessions recently as I had a block and now I know what it was. Maybe he did what he did for the best, so that I could have a stable job, which I have, but what about happiness and joy are they not important too. I like my job and I am happy doing it. It is quite possible that I would have found my own way to engineering as art college would probably have been to airy fairy for me as I am such a practical person. It would have been nice to have made my own mistake thought.
SO today think about the sustainability of what you are doing. Does it require lots of your energy to keep doing it. Is it something that is automatic of must you work hard at it. Hard work pays off but are you working on the rigth thing. For so long my life was unsustainable and I exhausted myself pushing myself to be something I was not and trying to fit not quite a square peg in a round hole , maybe a dodecahedron peg in a round hole, almost fitting but only touching at the edges. Bu now I know its OK to be myself and still do those things. I am myself. SO maybe I can come to terms with this new knowledge. I forgive myself for doing things to please others. Now its time to please me.
Just as I needed to let go of limiting beliefs I had to let go to material stuff. I cleared out loads of toys belonging to the children and old book, college notes, out of date and unneeded stuff. Following the example of my sister in law I was ruthless, well as ruthless as I can be. I now have an almost acceptable cleared out dining room. Since the arrival of our beloved dog, and her persistent desire to eat the rabbit I have had no where to relax. The door to the front room has to be kept permanently closed so that the animals are kept separate. I was unable to spend any time in there as the dog would whine when left alone. So I had to rearrange the house. Bags of stuff has gone to be recycled, re purposed and re-loved. Loads of stuff has gone to the dump. And finally it has been agreed to repatriate the rabbit. Her original owner is keen to have him back. Yippeeeee. I never bonded with him, especially as he liked to bite me. Never a good idea to bite the hand that feeds you. So letting go has made me feel so much better. My energy levels were not so good but sometimes its best to just keep swimming. I acknowledged all the times I wanted to give up and I just plodded along.
De-cluttering is good for the soul and the spirit. I hated to throw out good stuff and found a great website where you can give away things you no longer need. I think it was the belief that it is wrong to dump things that still have a use that was getting in the way of my clear-out. So now I am happily photographing the things that are taking up space that I no longer need and hope that out there somewhere some one wants it.
From this clear out I have learned quite a few things. I have learned that it is best to lead by example, my children have started to clear out their old stuff too. I have learned that there is more than one way to do things. I did nt have to throw out the stuff that was useful; I was able to give it away. I have learned that if someone gives you something it is them yours and it is ok to pass it on or even dump it if you no longer love need or value it.
So today think about what you are holding on to that you no longer need. What is taking up space and energy in your life that you can let go of. In order to make way for new things we need to get rid of the old things. Let go and be open to all the new and wonderful possibilities in life. I had Debussy on a loop on the computer while doing the clearing out. His music is so fresh and relaxing at the same time. It is perfect letting go music. And although I am now editing my life I have decided to give up editing my blog, stream of consciousness writing is so much nicer I think.
A friend on on facebook posted: dont believe everything you think and finally I was inspired to feel free again. My mood has been tottering a little recently. I have been having a hard time in keeping up with it all. This week I decided to cut myself enormous amounts of slack. I decided that if I still felt overwhelmed with the work life balance I would cut back substantially on my working hours. I freed myself for the constraints I had been feeling and lo and behold I was free again. I follow the recovery method. It is a very simple old fashioned method. The fundamental basis is to manage our nervous symptoms and our responses. Sometimes I let my imagination run away with me and cause no end of trouble for myself, all in my head, all not real at all. It causes me just as much stress as if it were real.
So the lesson today is dont believe everything you think as it really might not be true. Free yourself to deal only in the moment and be present.
Years ago I read "The One minute manager meets the monkey". It describes the problems others being to you as monkeys. If you take a problem from someone,then you take their money, you end up looking after it and feeding it. I made a list of things to remember to do when I went back to work and one of them was to carry no money food. I have been doing a bit clear out and I found the list. I left work before Easter laden down with monkeys and promising to buy monkey food for them. Hopefully many of the monkeys will have returned to their owners by the time I return next week. So no more feeding the monkeys for me.
We all take on other peoples stuff. I know I do. Clearing out the house getting ready to move is reminding me of all the things I kept both physically and emotionally that I really should have given back or not taken in the first place. The getting ready to move clear-out might be a bit premature as the offer I made on the house has not been accepted yet nor have I been approved for a mortgage, but it is a good incentive to do a major clear-out.
Sometimes we need to make space in our lives for new things to come to us. I am making space mentally and physically as I let go of possessions and long held beliefs.
So bye bye old stuff I welcome the new. Time to set those monkeys free.
So taday ask yourself: What stuff are you holding onto that it is time to let go of?
My posts are generally a stream of consciousness thing; where I am trying to work out something and order my thoughts. I decided to write two; an unedited one and an edited one. This post is the edited version of my last one.
For weeks I have been getting that foggy confused feeling. I know it precedes some kind of breakthrough for me; and finally this morning it arrived. I realised last night that I need to be more aware of the effects of other peoples behavior on me and of mine on them.
I spent the weekend with my family. I had a lovely time. I get very stressed about spending time with them as I feel so judged by them, ALL THE TIME, not just a little bit but everything I do and say. They of course are probably not judging me, it is all in my head. I just feel judged. When I returned I called to a friends with the kids. She shared wonderful news with me and I picked holes in it, to the point where I sucked all the joy out of it. I realised that she was feeling a bit upset by what I was saying and I apologised. After we continued the conversation she said - Oh its ok you were with your family this weekend I get it now. My family is highly analytical and assesses everything that could possibly go wrong before they do anything. I realised that I need to allow more time before and after events, to prepare and recover; in effect - to transition.
Now that I am more aware life is much easier. I can hear what other people are saying to me in a slightly less filtered way. I am leaning to listen. I can see more of what is around me and interpreted it better. I noticed that my sister in laws house was very symmetrical. It was decorated in a specific thought out way. My house just happens. She edites her life and regularly clears out stuff and I dont. We can learn things from everyone and it is time for me to learn how to edit my life. There is probably a better word but thats it.
We called the dog Mojo after Mojo Jojo of Powerful girls fame. I think I speak mojo jojoish . Last week I went on a technical report writing course. I learned that I need to be more concise. That there are two types of paragraphs; inductive and deductive. I generally write deductive ones where I am trying to persuade and make the main point ant the end, if at all. I also learned that I need to edit critically, and that the semi colon is out of fashion. Having shaken off the straight jacket of respectability I will buck fashion trends and continue to use my favourite punctuation mark.
So today I will be more aware of what I am really trying to say, Being concise in my thinking will be quite difficult for me. But here goes, no more mojo speak it now time for cat speak. Never say a mumbling word.
Happy Monday.
I spent the weekend with my family. I had a lovely time. I get very stressed about spending time with them as I feel so judged by them, ALL THE TIME, not just a little bit but everything I do and say. They of course are probably not judging me, it is all in my head. I just feel judged. When I returned I called to a friends with the kids and I was still in family mode. She shared wonderful news with me and I picked holes in it, to the point where I sucked all the joy out of it. I realised that she was feeling a bit upset by what I was saying and I apologised. After we continued the conversation she said - Oh its ok you were with your family this weekend I get it now. My family is highly analytical and assesses everything that could possibly go wrong before they do anything.
Whats the point of this I wonder.
Recovery and communication and conciseness: the lightbulb moment.
For weeks I have been getting that foggy confused feeling. Now I know it precedes some kind of breakthrough for me; and finally this morning It arrived. My head is now clear.
I went on a technical report writing course last week. I learned that I need to be more concise. That there are two types of paragraphs; inductive and deductive. I generally write deductive ones where I am trying to persuade and make the main point ant the end, if at all. I also learned that I need to edit critically, and that the semi colon is out of fashion.
My posts are generally a stream of consciousness thing; where I am trying to work out something and order my thoughts. What if I edited them. What would be the effect. SO I decided to write two; an unedited one and an edited one. I realised after last night that I need to be aware of the effects of other peoples behavior on me and of mine on them. I need to be more concise. I need to allow more time before and after events , to prepare and recover. I need to be aware of how I communicate with others. Now that I am more aware life is much easier. I can hear what other people are saying to me in a slightly less filtered way. I am leaning to listen. I can see more of what is around me and interpreted it better. I noticed that my sister in laws house was very symmetrical. It was decorated in a specific thought out way. My house just happens.. She edites her life and regularly clears out stuff and I dont. So the final point of all this is it is time for me to edit my life. There is probably a better word but thats it. We called the dog Mojo after mojo jojo. I thnk I speak like mojo jojo.
So today I will be more aware of what I am really trying to say, Being concise in my thinking will be quite difficult for me. But here goes.
I listened to this after Gina's comment yesterday and was singing it in the car for the afternoon as I ferried the kids around, in between threatening to kill them and bury them in the back garden, and getting them ready to go abroad to their great grandmothers funeral. My youngest said well that woman was cleverer than you at least she realised she would never go to Paris when she was 37 not like you. And then I realised that I still think I have my whole life ahead of me. I can still ride to Paris in a sports car. I joke that when I retire I will get me a yellow sports car and toyboy, and that I cant wait to be 97 because at that age it wont matter if I fry my brain and I can finally try acid. I hope to live a most un-respectable old age, doing things that I would not dare do now, like going bush drinking, dying my hair pink a la zandra rhodes, the simple things that I feel to constrained to do now, or even the absolutely unthinkable play knock knock dolly, or make prank phone calls, or all the other things respectable people don't do like ordering 40 pizzas to be delivered to some random persons house.
I have a list of things that I would like to do, and places I would like to visit, maybe waiting until old age or the time is right to do them is today lesson. Perhaps the time should be now, not to do all the crazy old lady stuff but the things I will do someday. Maybe today is that someday. Perhaps it is time to take off my straight jacket of responsibility and do some of the things I would like to do someday.
