Saturday, 16 March 2013

In the groove

One of the many things I learned on my journey is that the language we use is important . For years I was in a rut, stuck, unable to move. Routine and habit are important in maintaining wellness, however I am not in a rut , I am in the groove . Ruts congruent up images of stage coaches with thin wooden wheels stuck in a foot of mud unable to turn as the horses are rushing along pulling it at a furious speed. While similar in concept a groove reminds me of the joy of putting on my favourite stories on the record player as a child and the excitement of the first time I was allowed place the needle in the groove. Once the needle hit the groove there was an hour if pleasures as my favourite story played or my favourite song. How we perceive the world is important. I am now in the groove because I dug myself out of the rut. I allowed my heart to thaw. I allowed others to take charge. I relinquished my need to be responsible for everyone and by doing that was able to be more responsible for myself. I now make decisions from a place free of guilt and shame. It is over 25 years since the thing that changed my life and my perception of life changed me forever. Last week I let it go. Forgiveness is powerful and if we cannot forgive directly then I think wanting to be able to forgive is the next best thing. I want to be able to forgive those who have hurt me. I feel 20 again. I feel all the joy and optimism I felt then. Hard work pays off. It has been a painful journey in many ways. While I feel that I have reached my destination I know I have not. I know that the next phase of my life is about to start. Recently I visited my homeopath as I had a difficult situation to deal with at work and another at home. She gave me a remedy for taking on too much responsibility. I worked on the reasons I do that for the lady few weeks and the origin of it is fear. The fear that I will be made do things I don't want to if I am not in charge. Over the last few months I have learned that I don't have to take on the responsibility if I am true to myself and my feelings and abilities. No one can really make you do something you don't want to do and if they do it is abuse. We all have a choice and we all can say no. I was brought up to obey my elders and betters and that I did for years under great protest and to the cost of my health and happiness. Now I have regained my trust in myself. I have persevered and rebuilt my boundaries. We all need boundaries but we don't need barriers when we trust ourselves not to allow others to abuse us. A rut is a barrier but a groove is a boundary. Soon I will be closing this blog as my recovery is almost complete. I have loved sharing my thoughts with who ever happened to come across it. I am branching out into other things now and do not have the time up write . I hope me need to think in ink had lessened as I have learned to open up and express myself.

So today ask yourself am I in a rut or in the groove. Which ever you are in it is you who put yourself there and it is you who will keep yourself there. Hope you are in the groove and enjoying the music and stories of life. Life is for living and enjoying.

Happy Saturday and happy st Patrick's weekend. First bank holiday of the year and the fist year since 1988 that I am truly happy. 

1 comment:

  1. Jane, this was truly a joy to read. Thank you. I love the analogy of being in a groove rather a rut. I wih you a Happy St.Paddy' Day!