Tuesday, 23 October 2012

Merry go round

They say experience is learning to recognise your mistakes each time you make them, I am drenched in experience it seems.  I sometimes engage in reckless behaviour when depressed. We all have our own non healthy bahaviors that see us through a rough patch , it could be gambling, drugs or just eating too many chocolate brownies. Mine is to blind myself to reality and take up with entirely unsuitable men. The confession is liberating as I do not share this too often.  If there is Man out there who can spot a woman who will fall for his lines then he will find me when I am feeling less than fabulous and I will blightly follow him.  I have put safe guards in place now.  I hope my latest fool hardiness will be the last.  Amazingly this time I trusted my instincts and checked the evidence.  So I think I might be at last llearning from my mistakes.  I feel spectacularly foolish this time and more than a little embarrassed for my foolishness , but I have spent the last hour reminding myself that I had the courage to take a chance and make a mistake. I am now learning to practice self compassion and it is such a joy to move away from the awful self critism of late. Today's lesson has been to forgive myself for making a mistake. Sometimes we believe what we hear because we want to believe its true but if it seems too good to be true it probably is. Tomorrow is another day and out there somewhere is someone nice, honest and respectful , who won't feel the need to lie to me and accepts themselves and me just as we are. It's time for me to move on to the next phase of my life with courage and alone. Maybe if I approve of myself I won't need to rely on the approval of others anymore. I have made all sorts of foolish choices over the course of my life and it really is time to forgive myself and move on. I hope I will learn to treat myself with the compassion I deserve. So today forgive yourself and treat yourself with the compassion you deserve and need. Happy Wednesday.

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