Tuesday, 30 October 2012

I deserve

I forget to do things that keep me well. I need to remember, like the l'oreal ad to treat myself well ... Because I am worth it. So last week I decided to think of all of the things I did not do allow into my life. Things I think I will never have. I think I will never have a loving partner, my own home, happy children, enough money, peace of mind, full health, a contented old age, a job that I love, the courage  to do things other people take for granted, and most important of all - self confidence. I hear that voice - that's not for the likes of us. That voice is what keeps me in my place and recently that place was misery. Being miserable is a place where I am comfortable, a familiar place but not exactly where I deserve to be. As I awaken from the last few moths of fog, I realise that I was not a good friend to myself, I deserve better that I have been giving myself. Tonight I walked the dog down the road to the sea. There was a cold breeze, the moon was full and the water gleamed in that lovely silvery moon light. I thought how lovely it would be to be out walking with someone who I could share the beauty of the night with. But the thing is I here myself to enjoy it, I was going home to a lovely cozy fire with me happy dog to my lovely daughter that I perhaps don't appreciate enough. I decided to count my blessings. I slipped back to old patterns but I don't have to stay there. The world will not end if I remember to put myself first , in fact might end if I don't.  I deserve love, I deserve companionship, I deserve to be heard, I deserve to be listened to, I deserve respect, I deserve comfort, I deserve health, I deserve the money I earn, I deserve to be happy. Would I be such a bad person to feel I deserve these things. I was raised to put others first and now it is time to let go of that. I deserve to put myself first because I am worth it. 

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