Experience

They say that experience is learning to recognise your mistakes each time you make them. I am experienced. I returned from annual leave and had a feeling that yet again something would have happened in my absence that would leave me in the doodoo. And it did . it was implied that I had not sent important information to someone and embarrassed the boss , however it was untrue as I never recall being asked for it. It may have been an oversight on my part I thought but then I read the email trail , it was unreal , someone else had been getting many emails on the subject and had failed to pass them on to me.  I remembered that something similar happened each time I was on annual leave. This is experience , learning from the past. the real lesson is not what I learned but what I do with what I learned. I had expected this based on past experiences and yet I was unprepared to deal with it. I have been upset about it since it happened. I am unsure how to proceed . I think that I would like for this to stop happening and for me to be able to fully relax and enjoy my time off . I did indeed enjoy it and I think the best course of action is to let them explain to me what happened.  I can explain away what happened as an oversight on the part of another or a cowardly act if displacement of blame but at the end if the day I have to decide on what course of action to take. I care very little about my paid employment anymore mostly due to things like thus. I find it hard to committ to it with the passion I once felt , now it is drudgery at best.  I feel let down and now it is time for me to learn what it is to be adequately assertive to prevent someone thinking I am the kind of person who will accept this. I could not find the request anywhere and I conclude that I need to trust myself. If I think I am right it is time to stick up for myself . I think the best strategy to adopt is to pretend that I am there to protect an innocent colleague from damage to her reputation from the lies if others. I think this is an opportunity to find a new aspect if myself one that puts me first , one that really believes in myself. I lost that part of me years ago. It was almost like brain washing . The gradual decent into my belief that I am worthless.  I think I should go back in time and reexamine the experiences I had where I allowed my confusion to prevent me from believing in myself. I don't need to be anyone's good girl to approve if myself. I approve of myself as I am.  Do whatever happens tomorrow I am still the same me. A me that comes first and communicates her confusion and disappointment clearly do that others can see she will witness wrong doing and not collude with it. I am woman hear me roar :)