Friday, 23 December 2011

the sun stands still

I have always wanted to see the sunrise in Newgrange on the morning of the winter solstice.  One of my new loves is listening to the radio as TV is far too boring for me now, apart for the good wife and my truly insane addiction to American Pickers.  I listened to a programme on the birth of Christ and the historical origins of Christmas, in particular the solstice.  The ancient Irish believed that the sun stood still on the winter solstice.  This  is the point in the year where the tilt of the earth is furthest away for the sun and the point at which it tilts back. The ancients thought that it stood still and the sun and moon were important for them to plot the year, when to sow crops etc.

I was fascinated to hear that they believed that the sun stood still and have always been fascinated by the construction of the mound and the setting out of the passageway.   People have always been in tune with their surroundings and each year I count the days to the winter solstice as it means that my gloomy mood will soon lift with the brighter mornings.  This year I worked with the idea that the winter would not affect me like it usually does but despite my efforts it did.  I finally tuned into the reasons and hopefully next year will be different.  The plan is to spend a significant part of my day outside during the winter,  My new job in January will allow me to do that.   I discovered that I need light to flourish in the winter and I need to feel the weather, particularly the wind in winter.  We can easily fall out of tune with life if we fall out of tune with our environment.  I love to follow the tides and the cycles of the moon, the seasons and the changes of nature.

We all have dreams that we think are too fanciful to fulfill, places we would like to visit, things we would like to experience.  Yet we find ways of not doing them.  I discovered that I still hold many limiting beliefs and find reasons why I cant do things rather than ways to do them.  Today I will apply to visit the passage tomb for the solstice. The access is decide by lottery, but to quote the many sayings about the lottery, if you're not in you cant win and It could be you.  So instead of thinking I cant , it wont happen, it wont be me, its time to reconnect with the magic of luck and just try anyway.

Happy Christmas, Saturnia, Hanuka, Davali or what ever post solstice winter ritual you engage in.  :-)

Thursday, 15 December 2011

just when you thought it was all over

Just when I thought it was all over and life was now easy again I started to feel a little overwhelmed by people and events.  I decided against digging a hole and hibernating for the rest of the winter in it although my plans to line with with nice cosy things and perhaps bring my lovely warm blanket , and maybe the pets to keep me company and some nice food, a bit of Christmas cake and some books to read, were appealing I think it is better to face up to life events instead of hibernating with the rabbits.  I asked someone just as I started to get well when would I be able to take my wellness for granted and she told me never, that we really cannot take wellness for granted and need to do things that keep us well.  I started to feel like I could not cope, that things were just getting back to square one again.  This time I spoke up, I told people that their behavior was upsetting me, I stuck with it and did not accept that it was my fault that they were behaving like that or that I was to blame. We are all responsible for our own behavior no matter what our age, (perhaps maybe not babies!)  there was a time that I would have tied myself up in knots to please others but now I am fully unraveled.  

there is a point to all this and I suppose I will get to it eventually.  The point is about growth.  In order for something to grow it must have life, nourishment, an energy source and the right environmental.  To move beyond just simple growth and to thrive and flourish a growing thing need optimum conditions.  The same is true for our emotional selves.  We can grow and thrive in optimum conditions, conditions that are suitable for the type of creature we are.  I recently discovered that I am classified as an introverted intuitive according to personality testing.  This has helped my appreciate my highly sensitive nature and make good use of the traits that used to cause me to be overwhelmed.  I may pick up on lots of things others miss, rather than trying to be like them I can learn to adapt to my environment where necessary and yet seek out my natural habitat where I can flourish.  I can now steer clear of those who cause me stress and tension as I can instantly recognise them.  I have learned to plan around potentially difficult things and acknowledge that I need a longer recovery time from upsets than those less sensitive.  I accept my need for peace and quite and reflective time.  I do not apologies those those that see me lying back in my chair in the office eyes closed while I think about the problem I am working on.  I do not feel the need to be sitting upright staring at a computer screen to be producing work.  I no longer feel under pressure for not liking pubs late at night.  I fully understand the expression of a fish out of water.  
So I am off to figure out what my optimum growing environment is or perhaps I am already in it. 

Tuesday, 13 December 2011

grumpyness and other things

If there was a world championship for grumpiness I would have won it over the last few days.  Bah humbug and other assorted moans.  I did not go out last weekend.  I just wanted to dig a hole, line it with nice cosy things like rabbits fur, straw and maybe some moss and hibernate for the rest of the year.  so what to do, well the usual I suppose, what has worked before.  Today it as EFT.  amazingly after 10 minutes of tapping I was free of the stress and felling well enough to make arrangements to go out this weekend.  Well done me.  

So roll on christmas, today we bought the tree, maybe I should be less grinchlike and put it up and decorate it, not sure how much longer I can stay grumpy in the face of tinsel, baubels, and christmas cake.

Monday, 5 December 2011

Its a wonderful life- re-parenting ourselves

I have very happy memories of my early childhood but not so many of my late childhood and early teens.  Things happened that I did not understand and nobody explained them to me so I made assumptions.  I did not know how to ask or even what questions to ask.  I accepted things as they were.  That is one strategy but one that has taken me time to unlearn.  One of the key breakthroughs I had was in relation to parenting.  I learned that children, even teenagers and young adults,  need to have things explained to them.  Nobody is born knowing about life, we learn it, and hopefully we learn it in a warm and tender and loving environment.  Sometimes we do not find the love we seek from others, sometimes we do.  There is always one person who stays with us; ourselves.  It is only when we don't love ourselves and we abandon ourselves that we truly loose love.  It has taken me a long time to love myself but yesterday I found out that my eldest knows that I love her unconditionally.  Perhaps this is a sign that I know how to love unconditionally and that I am showing that I love myself.  

I often wished that some people loved me more than they did.  That they loved me enough not to leave me or abandon me.  The thing is I didn't love me enough not to abandon me.  That sentence I keep hearing form my counsellor, You abandoned You, finally makes absolute sense.  Yesterday I did not abandon myself but I nearly did.  I shall list that with my other achievements and concentrate on what I have achieved and not what others notice that I have not achieved.  

Today's achievements so far; getting up, opening the curtains, getting dressed in a nice outfit, getting the children to school with all their stuff and lunches, feeding the furry brothers (guinea pig and rabbit), getting to work on time, being pleasant and making small talk with colleagues although I wanted to hide at home and cry, completing another part of my work project, realising how to solve a problem at work, going home for lunch, and cooking a nutritious lunch, making a lovely comforting cup of tea, writing in my blog.  All these things seem trivial but then its being able to deal with the trivialities of life that keep us going.  This time last year my only achievement on that list would have been getting up, if I was lucky.  Last night I watched Its a wonderful life and this time I cried as I was so close to the edge this time last year. 

Today think about all the things you do that you take for granted and realise how much they mean to those around you if they were not done or you were not here. It really is a wonderful life. 

Sunday, 4 December 2011

Today I wonder Why?

  • Who: Whose life will I touch today, and who will touch mine?

  • What: What will my goals be today, what will engage and connect me with my life?

  • Where: Where will my life take me today--both literally and metaphorically?

  • When: When will I have the most energy today; when will I find time for peace and quiet?

  • Why: Why am I visualizing my day as I am--is there anything I want to re-imagine in a more positive light before I start?

  • Read more:

    I have various things to help me when I am feeling less than my best, This is just one thing.  

    Today I wonder Why?