Just when I thought it was all over and life was now easy again I started to feel a little overwhelmed by people and events. I decided against digging a hole and hibernating for the rest of the winter in it although my plans to line with with nice cosy things and perhaps bring my lovely warm blanket , and maybe the pets to keep me company and some nice food, a bit of Christmas cake and some books to read, were appealing I think it is better to face up to life events instead of hibernating with the rabbits. I asked someone just as I started to get well when would I be able to take my wellness for granted and she told me never, that we really cannot take wellness for granted and need to do things that keep us well. I started to feel like I could not cope, that things were just getting back to square one again. This time I spoke up, I told people that their behavior was upsetting me, I stuck with it and did not accept that it was my fault that they were behaving like that or that I was to blame. We are all responsible for our own behavior no matter what our age, (perhaps maybe not babies!) there was a time that I would have tied myself up in knots to please others but now I am fully unraveled.
there is a point to all this and I suppose I will get to it eventually. The point is about growth. In order for something to grow it must have life, nourishment, an energy source and the right environmental. To move beyond just simple growth and to thrive and flourish a growing thing need optimum conditions. The same is true for our emotional selves. We can grow and thrive in optimum conditions, conditions that are suitable for the type of creature we are. I recently discovered that I am classified as an introverted intuitive according to personality testing. This has helped my appreciate my highly sensitive nature and make good use of the traits that used to cause me to be overwhelmed. I may pick up on lots of things others miss, rather than trying to be like them I can learn to adapt to my environment where necessary and yet seek out my natural habitat where I can flourish. I can now steer clear of those who cause me stress and tension as I can instantly recognise them. I have learned to plan around potentially difficult things and acknowledge that I need a longer recovery time from upsets than those less sensitive. I accept my need for peace and quite and reflective time. I do not apologies those those that see me lying back in my chair in the office eyes closed while I think about the problem I am working on. I do not feel the need to be sitting upright staring at a computer screen to be producing work. I no longer feel under pressure for not liking pubs late at night. I fully understand the expression of a fish out of water.
So I am off to figure out what my optimum growing environment is or perhaps I am already in it.