This morning I got up. (That in itself I suppose is an achievement. ) This morning I got up and I just felt like crying. The mornings are very hard for me at the moment. The thought of facing into a day of other people and all their stuff fills me with dread. Since my memory came back fully before Christmas I started to remember all the things that I allowed get on top of me and bring me down into the depths of despair. Over the last few weeks I have been noticing so much doom and gloom and bad news around me. More businesses are closing in the town, the euro crisis is deepening, there are many more cuts to our budgets at work, I could go on and on. I am finding it hard to stay focused on the positive things. I had my first irate call last week since I went back to work and had forgotten just how draining it is. I sat through a progress meeting where professional people shouted at each other as neither side would acknowledge the point of view of the other and just stayed in defensive mode, all very upsetting for me as I remember doing just the same when my difficulties were ignored. People just want to have their feeling acknowledged sometimes I think.
So I decided to get up earlier than normal and do something to help me find some inner peace and feel grounded before I have to meet other people. A quick spot of EFT tapping, a short walk to the beach, and a nutritious breakfast. These are some of the things that people do every morning that I neglected to do for a few months, they are some of the things that helped me get well and now its time to just keep swimming as Dory says in Finding Nemo, its a line I used alot with the children when they were younger so that they understood to just keep going when things seem bad. So today I will just keep swimming, go to the progress meetings, ignore the emotionally unaware who cirtisise others unhelpfully. Today I will just keep swimming.
I suppose it is finding the balance between what things seem and what things are is the challange for me. I have a tendency to panic over the small and big things so maybe its time to learn to differenciate between the things I need to be concerned about and the ones I can do something about and the things I cant.
The theme for this week will be : Can I do something about this and is is practical to do so? Fingers crossed that it will work. Need to find the sunny side of myself again I think. The one who dreams of making bubble machines, and searches for the lovely elephant hawk moths :-)